On to the Next Year....

As 2010 is coming to an end i find myself feeling more and more LOST. I say lost because i haven't gotten to the place in my life that i need to be or expected to be at by now.

It's just that when you place goals for yourself and you don't accomplish them, it starts to FUCK with you "Mentally"......and at the end of the day i can't really blame nobody but myself! 2010 was really a big disappointment for me and i need to take this lesson learned and use it to establish my 2011 as something positive!

"2011?"
I just want so much for myself in life and 2011 is just a stepping stone on my journey to become a better man. I hope to find Love, Wealth, Success , Faith and most important......"Peace of mind!"


I'm thankful for my Family. We may not see "Eye to Eye" all the time and we may go through our shit, but i can still say at the end of the day that I am glad to be apart of such a diverse group of people who come together to to make us a Family.

I am also grateful for all the people i have come across in my life and i cherish the time spent and the memories made....and i can't wait to make some new ones in 2011!

Peace & Love!

*gotti*

The Family Business.........smh!!!!

"Family Business".........2 words that don't go together in my book.

You see, to me "Family" is supposed to revolve around Love, Trust, Understanding and Loyalty.
These things can never be a part of "Business" because a business calls for you to be Ruthless, Selfish and for you to do anything you have to do in order for your "Business" to succeed.


Now when you go ahead and start mixing the 2, this is where things become interesting.....


Nothing good can become of a "Family Business".... because when EGO comes into play, (as it always does in a business) and certain things are asked of you to do that effect how you are treated as a member of a Family, it changes your way of thinking. Someone has to be "The Boss" and when the so called "Head of the Family" is put into that position and can't handle it or they go about running the business Wong, it trickles down to the rest of the family and has a negative outcome for all those involved.

I'm not gonna get too DEEP into this, because this can be a little sensitive to some and some may not be ready for the "Realness".....


I'll just leave you with this quote from Colin Powell: "Don't let your Ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your Ego doesn't go with it."



as "Robert" becomes the man that "Robert" is supposed to be, I can only hope that what i do it not in vain and leads me to something greater!........Because at the end of the day we all STRIVE TO BE MORE than OURSELVES!!!!


*gotti*

You must think i'm Stupid, Cupid!!

You must think i'm stupid Cupid!

You must think i'm gonna fall for your tricks again, but i have caught on to your tricks.
The last time we met i was young and didn't know your game, but i'm on to you nigga! The nerve of you putting "LOVE" into my life and then taking it away like you did.

You must think i'm stupid Cupid!

So, you are no longer invited into my HEART. The fat lady has sung, the game is over and if i ever see you anywhere near me again i will chop your damn wings off and use the feathers for a pillow. This is not to say that i will never find love again, it's just better if i do it on my own...



*gotti*

"Peace to a Puzzle"......

I have come to realize that most of "US" men, aren't born knowing how to make relationships work. And more often than not, we learn from our Fathers example or lack of....

I know that i want to learn about how make relationships work, but don't know where to start. I being like most men HATE to ask for help in general, let alone Relationship advice. Knowing that since our culture encourages the mistaken belief that we ought to be able to figure out things on our own and me growing as a man i find myself looking for advice now, more often then usual!


I see Relationships as Puzzles....

Each action we take in the relationship earns us piece to that puzzle and we all want our Puzzle to be completed. Women often have the smaller more detailed pieces to the puzzle that we often leave for last and men usual have the big, easy to locate pieces that we want to get out the way.

I say that because Most of Us Men usually try to find easy ways out when it comes to problems or issues that come up in the relationship and Women most often take a more complex approach to these situations. I know that Making a Relationship work aka "Completing The Puzzle" is not easy, but i look forward to the Challenge, every time it is brought to me....

I know understanding who "Robert" is can be a hassle and i thank you for your patience, because it's hard for me to understand myself at times!


Deuces!!
*gotti*

My thoughts at the time... Part 3!

Lately I find myself evaluating my actions of of late...

We all come to this point in your life if you can believe it or not. For me it seems to happen very often as of late. I know that i haven't made the best choices growing up and haven't listened to certain people when i needed to, but what can i say.......I'm guilty of being HUMAN and we as Humans tend to do our own thing at times.

I was gonna name this Blog entry "THE REGRET LIST", but i thought to myself about what i wanted to regret and realized that i didn't need to do so. I found that if i "Reflect, but never Regret" it puts a good prospective on things because me regretting something that i can't change is pointless and wastes too much space in my brain.

From my Relationships to my Friendships to my Family Life and Career Choices, it has all been interesting to look back on and see what could've been if i did this or i did that.

I know that my future is going to be great because i will not make those same mistakes again.......I PROMISE myself and GOD!

I know understanding who "Robert" is can be a hassle and i thank you for your patience because it's hard for me to understand myself at times!

Peace and Love!

*gotti*

Are you not Entertained?

I tend to be the "Funny Guy" in the group or the so called "Comedian of the Family", but there comes a time when you to be serious about certain things and i swear i'm trying....

On one hand you are told to "Lighten up, don't take things to serious" and on the other they tell you that "Not take anything for grated", so i try to play on both sides of the fence. As i get older i realize that most of things that i do everyone won't like.......but i can really give 2 Fucks!


I realize that we only have one life to live and you can't go back and change nothing, so trying to please everyone but yourself is really pointless.

So to those who watch my every move and feel that they need to "Judge" me without knowing who i am, i ask "Are you not Entertained?"

(I hope you are though. because i promise to do so!)


Peace & Love
*gotti*

My thoughts at the time... Part 2!

It seems that the older i get and the "MATURE" i try and become, the more i see myself pushing away from the kiddy bullshit and moving more toward the Robert that i am supposed to be....

I also see myself wanting shit that i never had a mindset for in the past, for example "LOVE".
I see people all around me in relationships, some bad and some good and i just want to experience that feeling again. I'm trying my best to get on the level that these 2010 Females are on, but it is not as easy as i thought it would be. This is not to say that they are more advance mentally, but it seems that they are at a diffrent place that most of US men are at or are willing to be these days and i see myself trying to conform for them..............."TRYING" being the Keyword.


I say that to say this.......I may not be where i wanna be in life right now, but watch out when i AM!!!

Shoutout to all the people i may across in my lifetime...

• To the ones who Love me
• To the ones who Hate me
• To the ones lead by Example and not by Words alone.
• To the REAL
• To the FAKE
• To my Next Girl(s)
• To my Ex Girl(s)
• To my Future Wife
• To my Unborn Child or Children
• To my Niggaz

I know understanding who "Robert" is can be a hassle and i thank you for your patience because it's hard for me to understand myself at times!

Peace and Love!

*gotti*

"Hello Expectations"

What is expected from us?

As Men i feel that society has made us the way most of us are today. It is expected for us to be "More" than we are at times and that can cause a person to go CRAZY.

When it comes to the Expectations that women have for us nowadays, they expect us to be something or someone that we can never become.....I mean i understand the ups and downs of a relationship but for me to jump hurdles, (so to speak) for someone who wants you to for their own selfish reason isn't fair and shouldn't be tolerated.

When we try and expect more from Females we get called all the names in the book!....... are wrong for doing so? I mean, shouldn't we want more, like y'all do?

I take peoples expectations of me as a JOKE!!! The expectations that i have to worry about is God's and my own, all the rest will not make or break me!

So i say "Hello Expectations"......and don't let the door hit you on your ass on your way out! LMAO!!


*gotti*

Insecurities of a Man.....

"Insecurity is something everyone deals with in life, to one degree or another. None of us is completely secure about every single aspect of ourselves, our abilities, or our personalities. However, there are some people who suffer through an enormous burden of insecurity that seems to never leave their side, always lingering about, ready to knock down all of their dreams and ambitions. It also tends to knock down their relationships. Insecurity is actually one of the greatest killers of relationships that exists..."


Many people deal with it in their own way as for me, it always seems to be in the back of my mind as of lately:

*Should i make the first move?
*Will she like me for who i am?
*I wonder if she talks to her friends about me?
*Was my first impression a good one?
*Am i treating her better than the last nigga?
*Is it worth the risk?
*Will putting my heart out on "Front Street" come back to bite me in the ass?
*Is she or can she be "The One"?

I feel that Men can be just as insecure as women at times, we just have a different way of showin or expressing it. That's why you see men Lie, Cheat and try to avoid Relationships.......because of us being insecure with ourselves.



As i grow into the Man i hope i will be, i can only have Faith that these Insecurities will go away and allow what is to be to be......


From my mouth to God's Ears....................Thank You!!!


*gotti*

...Father's Day!

What is a Father? I have been trying to put a grasps on that for the last 24 years of my life.

For me, i never really had the chance to know who my father is, like most kids who were born during my Generation. Don't get me wrong, i've seen him like 5 times in my whole life if that...

I just don't understand why a man wouldn't want to be father to his kids? Kids are brought into this world to be LOVED and for someone to have one and not want to love them just baffles me. I am glad that i have had a few "Father Figures" in my life but at times i wonder what my life could've been like if this "LOSER ASS NIGGA" was in my life and did right by his kids.

I know that everything happens for a reason and "Karma" comes to those who do right and to those who do wrong...

I Recently found out that he has Cancer and may not have that much time left on this earth.

Am i supposed to feel bad for him? Don't get me wrong i do feel bad that he has Cancer, but he never gave a damn about me and my brothers so i don't relly have any sadness in my heart for him.
I know that i am wrong in a sense and i can only hope that god can forgive me, but this is where i am at in my life.


This time of year makes me appreciate my Mother so much more. I have the highest amount of respect for her because i know what she had to deal with being a "Single Mother" and going through the Bullshit she went through while still be a mother to us........(LOVE YOU MOM!!!)

This time of year also makes me feel "Sadness" & "Regret".
I feel "Sadness" because my grandfather isn't here (R.I.P) for my mother, who loved him so much and "Regret" because i never had that kind of relationship with him...


The older i get, the more OPEN and HONEST with myself i get. This helps me to express my opinions and thoughts the way i do now.......and i am thankful for that!

Peace & Luv!
*Robert*

....I used to Love H.E.R.

The 1 you think about "ALL DAY & NIGHT".

The 1 who voice brightens up your day no matter how bad things are going.

The 1 you can talk to about "Any" & "Everything"

The 1 that will call you out on your BULLSHIT!!!

The 1 who can finish your sentence before you get the words out.

The 1 who knows how to push your Buttons.

The 1 who betrays your "Trust"
The 1 who breaks your Heart...


Damn!!!!....."I Used to Love H.E.R."

Robert, Bobby, *gotti*, Bottles..........and Rob!

As i get closer to 25 i see myself approaching a crossroad in my life...

I find myself wondering about many things such as Love, Family, Happiness, Piece of mind, Friendship, Financial Stability and if i will ever get to a point where all will fall in to place.
The older i get, the more REAL with myself i become....We all have our problems and bullshit that we go through on a daily basis and i can except that. What i can not except is other people being the cause of it. I hear so many stories about people doing stupid shit and it was a result of them letter other people get to them and i say to myself "I will never let that happen to ME", but the more and more i say i'm not going to let it happen, the closer it gets to actually happening.

Now back to the title of this Blog.

I'm not some kind of "CRAZY PERSON", but sometimes i see myself as more than 1 person at times. I believe we all become someone at certain times to adapt to that situation. Take for "Rob" for example, he is the Down to earth, funny guy always cracking jokes part of me. "Bottles a.k.a Rob Bottles" is the Party Guy, the club hopping, Patron drinking, just looking for a good time person. Now, *gotti* on the other hand is rough around the edges, the "Tough Guy" so to speak, he doesn't take shit from people and he is a Product of his Environment! Last but not least is "Bobby", this is the Momma's Boy, The hopeless Romantic the so called "Soft" side of me.

The older i get and more MATURE i become, the better understanding of how to bring all of these parts of me together to live life the way i want to live it!!


Peace and Luv!
*Rob*

"Rock Bottom" By Elliott Earle

Sometimes in life things go every way we want them to go. We get the job we want, the girl we always had a crush on finally says yes after you asks her out for the 14th time. It makes you feel blessed and secure about yourself you feel has if you are destined for greatness. As time goes by you propose to that special girl, you become a major part of that great company you work for, you get out of that apartment and move into that house you been dreaming about. Now years past by, the economy takes a turn for the worst your company decides to make cuts, you are laid off now the woman you thought loved you decides she just can't live a reduced lifestyle and packs up her things and leave. What do you do now? Are you still blessed? Are you still destined for greatness?

Events like this happen everyday to all people from black to white from rich or poor. Most people use this as an excuse they start drinking, using drugs and other habits that they never did before. Few people use this opportunity to reflect on their lives and see how blessed they actually are. They tend to look at frivolous things they had before and compare what they have now instead of seeing that this has happened not because it was in our plan but because it was in God's plan for us. We look at it as a step back when we should look at it as a step forward! Its a step in the direction the Lord as drawn out for us and he was tried of watching go the wrong way so he had to make a sudden change to "wake" us up. I must admit most people don't "wake" up and unfortunately don't get back from that bottomless pit. However the few that get God's message become more successful financially, spiritually, physically and emotionally.





- Elliott

My thoughts at the time...

I learn more and more about myself everyday. I also am learning how to become a Man as each day passes. I know and understand that the journey is not an easy one, but i must except the cards i am dealt and play the game until i win. I see so many "Grown Boys" out there setting the wrong example for the younger generation and it saddens ME!

Most of the things that we see important nowadays are really not......we get all caught up in this so called "Hype" of whats going on in a world that we will never be a part of.


Love, Happiness, Family and Peace of Mind!........................I hope to one day have all of these things at one time, but until then i will take each as it comes along!



"From my thoughts to God's ears or to anyone who will hear...."

Peace & Luv!

*Rob*

The Youth & RESPECT!!

I have come to the realization that the up and coming generation has no sense of RESPECT for anyone or anything!................not even themselves!






Who should get the blame for this?

• is it the PARENTS?
• is it the MUSIC?
• or is it the example that our Generation has shown to these kids?

This is where my mind is at for the day! More to come.......

*gotti*